BETAMAXNOMATES
'All she can do is dial and yell...'20051223
COCK IT
:-(
Here she is, Amelie or Amarillo or something. I don't like the headband and her mouth looks a bit on the wonky side in that shot but I'll give her a chance.
MP3
> Cheeky Vimto
> Up Cubic
Here she is, Amelie or Amarillo or something. I don't like the headband and her mouth looks a bit on the wonky side in that shot but I'll give her a chance.
MP3
> Cheeky Vimto
> Up Cubic
20051222
HIGH-VISIBILITY IMBECILITY
What, with posterity, will be seen as great about 2005:
'My Humps', Batman Begins, Lunar Park, the return of Family Guy, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, James cunting Blunt, Daniel Powter, Akon, Esquire magazine, Keira Knightley, Joss Stone, Human After All, Chris Evans back on TV, Chris Morris back on TV, Chris Martin, Live8, Pope's funeral, Mossgate, Liam Lawlor underage transsexual Communist prostitute death ruse, Extras, Channel 4, Jude Law, Uggs, charity wristbands, Craig and Anthony, Dundrum 'Town Centre', 3 Mobile ads, Brew 39, (Beverage) with Lime!, Julie Burchill, Little Britain, 'Amarillo', Sienna Miller, boho-chic, Kaiser Chiefs, Eugene Levy, MTV comedy (MTV in general actually), Orlando Bloom, Brian and Glenda, Ed Byrne, Karl 'Im fat: that's the joke' Spain, Spain the country, fake porn like Hollyoaks: Let Loose, clicking fingers for poverty, Robbie Williams apparently apeing Morrissey, Hector, Eric Prydz and Uniting Nations, Capital magazine, Dara O' Briain's 'Irish-pubs-are-great-you-can-buy-alcohol-in-them-please-drink-responsibly' radio ads, iPod Nano, Lindsay Lohan Nano, skinny Peter Jackson, October's Vanity Fair with Paris Hilton on the cover and a special pull-out supplement on watches FFS, Kathryn Flett, Charlotte Church's continued vodka-and-snakebite-fuelled descent into pikey poptart oblivion, one (made-up) word: Diddy, X&Y, Napoleon Dynamite, The Life Aquatic, Christina Ricci in Cursed (why?), Teri Hatcher, Terri Schiavo, terrorist-chic, Franz fucking Ferdinand, Green Day somehow becoming the world's most popular band, My Chemical Romance (or Early Learning Centre Pumpkins), Jonathan Ross, Joey, Maxwell and Saskia, Carol Thatcher, Richard Whiteley dying, Eamonn Holmes doing serious news now (Eamonn Holmes!), Bershka/Bertoni/BT2/Bollocks, Bestie deathwatch, Ian Brown, Dan Brown, Nirvana/Jeff Buckley/2Pac still releasing albums, voting (pointless), voting in Iraq (even worse), Fool Around With My Girfriend/Fran Cosgrave/Heavy Machinery, Celebrity Wrestling, Celebrity anything, Jessica Biel, Judge Judy ('The cases... are REAL! The rulings... are FINAL! The people... are IDIOTS! The judge... is CRAZY!' Why is this shit still on?), those fucking Meteor ads, Stringfellows protesters, War Of The Worlds, Tom and Katie, Katie Melua brutalising 'Just Like Heaven', The Magic Numbers, Ross Noble, Red WKD, Eleanor Rigby (book, not the song), 'Ugly' (the new Sugababes song, but also ugly people and things in general), the Internet, people ranting etc.
This list is, of course, incomplete and subject to revision. Any suggestions post them comment-wise.
- Arrested Development - So that's what TV3 is for!
- Jamie Lidell - Like Jamiroquai only, y'know, not shit.
- Danger Mouse
- Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Robert Downey Jr.! And Val Kilmer! Together at last! In a movie! That's actually in cinemas!
- Geoff Dyer
- 'Hung Up' - 'I hate this song!' 'No, wait, I love this song!' 'No. No, I hate this song.' 'Actually no. No, I love this song.'
- Mysterious Skin
- The Electric Picnic - At last an Irish music festival that isn't blighted by the rotating roster of rot that is MundyFramesCasey.
- 'Don't Cha?' - Yes. Yes, I do.
- The Descent
- NIN!!!!!!!!!!11111
'My Humps', Batman Begins, Lunar Park, the return of Family Guy, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, James cunting Blunt, Daniel Powter, Akon, Esquire magazine, Keira Knightley, Joss Stone, Human After All, Chris Evans back on TV, Chris Morris back on TV, Chris Martin, Live8, Pope's funeral, Mossgate, Liam Lawlor underage transsexual Communist prostitute death ruse, Extras, Channel 4, Jude Law, Uggs, charity wristbands, Craig and Anthony, Dundrum 'Town Centre', 3 Mobile ads, Brew 39, (Beverage) with Lime!, Julie Burchill, Little Britain, 'Amarillo', Sienna Miller, boho-chic, Kaiser Chiefs, Eugene Levy, MTV comedy (MTV in general actually), Orlando Bloom, Brian and Glenda, Ed Byrne, Karl 'Im fat: that's the joke' Spain, Spain the country, fake porn like Hollyoaks: Let Loose, clicking fingers for poverty, Robbie Williams apparently apeing Morrissey, Hector, Eric Prydz and Uniting Nations, Capital magazine, Dara O' Briain's 'Irish-pubs-are-great-you-can-buy-alcohol-in-them-please-drink-responsibly' radio ads, iPod Nano, Lindsay Lohan Nano, skinny Peter Jackson, October's Vanity Fair with Paris Hilton on the cover and a special pull-out supplement on watches FFS, Kathryn Flett, Charlotte Church's continued vodka-and-snakebite-fuelled descent into pikey poptart oblivion, one (made-up) word: Diddy, X&Y, Napoleon Dynamite, The Life Aquatic, Christina Ricci in Cursed (why?), Teri Hatcher, Terri Schiavo, terrorist-chic, Franz fucking Ferdinand, Green Day somehow becoming the world's most popular band, My Chemical Romance (or Early Learning Centre Pumpkins), Jonathan Ross, Joey, Maxwell and Saskia, Carol Thatcher, Richard Whiteley dying, Eamonn Holmes doing serious news now (Eamonn Holmes!), Bershka/Bertoni/BT2/Bollocks, Bestie deathwatch, Ian Brown, Dan Brown, Nirvana/Jeff Buckley/2Pac still releasing albums, voting (pointless), voting in Iraq (even worse), Fool Around With My Girfriend/Fran Cosgrave/Heavy Machinery, Celebrity Wrestling, Celebrity anything, Jessica Biel, Judge Judy ('The cases... are REAL! The rulings... are FINAL! The people... are IDIOTS! The judge... is CRAZY!' Why is this shit still on?), those fucking Meteor ads, Stringfellows protesters, War Of The Worlds, Tom and Katie, Katie Melua brutalising 'Just Like Heaven', The Magic Numbers, Ross Noble, Red WKD, Eleanor Rigby (book, not the song), 'Ugly' (the new Sugababes song, but also ugly people and things in general), the Internet, people ranting etc.
This list is, of course, incomplete and subject to revision. Any suggestions post them comment-wise.
20051219
THE KING OF CARROT FLOWERS
Tis' the season. As hack features writers and panel show wankers remind us constantly it's That Time Of The Year Again: the photocopying of buttocks, the copping off with 'Carol from Accounts' (it's always 'Carol from Accounts'), the drunken dressing down of the boss, yes, it's the 'dreaded' office party.
I had my office party last week - except that I don't work in an office, I work in a house, which may lead you to expect maybe a 'house party' and all the wacky PG-13-rated hi-jinks that entails. Not so. Our office party followed a more traditional route wherein everyone got together for a meal then went for a few drinks and on to a club. Except that we did it in fancy dress. And except that I was violently ill after the meal and couldn't drink for the night. Seriously, going to a nightclub sober: is there anything more chilling to the human soul? Maybe. Maybe if you were sober, sick, six foot seven, and dressed like this. On a normal day I'm a kind of human flypaper for dipsos, pillheads and the generally insane; on Friday night I became an almost messianic figure for the mentally unbalanced. If this sounds like it might have been fun on some kitsch, ironic, 'oh, isn't it all so ridiculous' kind of way, I assure you it wasn't.
The highpoint of the evening for me however, unlike poor Stigmund here, was the obligatory Kris Kindle... probably because I'm such an emotionally stunted materialist I can only connect with things and not people. Just thought I'd slip that in there... anyway, moving on. The person I bought for never showed up so their gift (a novelty alarm clock, ho ho hum) ended up trampled on the floor of a pub somewhere while I walked away with - and I don't think I'm overstating this in the least - quite possibly THE BEST PRESENT IN THE WHOLE WORLD EVER. A wise man in olden times (Jesus, or maybe Shakespeare) once said that the pen is mightier than the sword. Darn tootin'! Have you seen the infomercial? That motherfucker goes through a can! And it writes upside down! And, using only a short length of twine, some baking soda, and a blasting cap, makes a pretty nifty home-made explosive. I've no idea how to use a fountain pen and, if I'm being honest, I'm not particularly interested in using this to write with; really I just want to stab it into as many objects of varying size, strength and texture as I can to truly test the meaning of the phrase 'virtually indestructible'.
Before I go, if you haven't heard this album yet, check it out; for the time being anyway, you can download it for free here. Not sure if it's quite the masterpiece some people have claimed it is, but it is rather good - which is probably the best we can expect from a singer who desribes his group as 'not so much a band, more a concept'. Betamax out.
I had my office party last week - except that I don't work in an office, I work in a house, which may lead you to expect maybe a 'house party' and all the wacky PG-13-rated hi-jinks that entails. Not so. Our office party followed a more traditional route wherein everyone got together for a meal then went for a few drinks and on to a club. Except that we did it in fancy dress. And except that I was violently ill after the meal and couldn't drink for the night. Seriously, going to a nightclub sober: is there anything more chilling to the human soul? Maybe. Maybe if you were sober, sick, six foot seven, and dressed like this. On a normal day I'm a kind of human flypaper for dipsos, pillheads and the generally insane; on Friday night I became an almost messianic figure for the mentally unbalanced. If this sounds like it might have been fun on some kitsch, ironic, 'oh, isn't it all so ridiculous' kind of way, I assure you it wasn't.
The highpoint of the evening for me however, unlike poor Stigmund here, was the obligatory Kris Kindle... probably because I'm such an emotionally stunted materialist I can only connect with things and not people. Just thought I'd slip that in there... anyway, moving on. The person I bought for never showed up so their gift (a novelty alarm clock, ho ho hum) ended up trampled on the floor of a pub somewhere while I walked away with - and I don't think I'm overstating this in the least - quite possibly THE BEST PRESENT IN THE WHOLE WORLD EVER. A wise man in olden times (Jesus, or maybe Shakespeare) once said that the pen is mightier than the sword. Darn tootin'! Have you seen the infomercial? That motherfucker goes through a can! And it writes upside down! And, using only a short length of twine, some baking soda, and a blasting cap, makes a pretty nifty home-made explosive. I've no idea how to use a fountain pen and, if I'm being honest, I'm not particularly interested in using this to write with; really I just want to stab it into as many objects of varying size, strength and texture as I can to truly test the meaning of the phrase 'virtually indestructible'.
Before I go, if you haven't heard this album yet, check it out; for the time being anyway, you can download it for free here. Not sure if it's quite the masterpiece some people have claimed it is, but it is rather good - which is probably the best we can expect from a singer who desribes his group as 'not so much a band, more a concept'. Betamax out.
20051213
DEAFENINGLY, INDEFINITELY
Read this.
More or less sums up the sorry state of television comedy today. How a show like this can get cancelled whilst wincingly unfunny and insulting dross like this is commissioned is beyond me. Out sheer morbid curiosity I watched 5 minutes of Space Cadets this evening and was duly appalled by the utter shoddiness of it all. As a 'social experiment' it is thoroughly without worth and as a comic reality show it's an unmitigated disaster - though probably the presence of 'Lad TV' dinosaur Johnny Vaughan, followed by the Topshop comedy stylings of Alex Zane(y) on E4, should have given some indication as to the kind of mean-spirited bilge that was to come. I just fail to see the point of it all: a couple of stooges are conned into thinking they've been shot into space - cue the 'Big Reveal' - then the same contestants are actually flown to NASA to experience zero gravity for real. I mean, why bother with the show at all? So for a few weeks we can snicker at these cretins prance about a disused military base in Surrey and congratulate ourselves for never being so gullible as to be taken in by a cheap obnoxious hoax masquerading as entertainment, sounding the death knell for a channel already blighted by fetid Jimmy Carr-fronted rot and puerile reality cack?
One small step for man, one fucking clangourous debacle for mankind. TV off.
More or less sums up the sorry state of television comedy today. How a show like this can get cancelled whilst wincingly unfunny and insulting dross like this is commissioned is beyond me. Out sheer morbid curiosity I watched 5 minutes of Space Cadets this evening and was duly appalled by the utter shoddiness of it all. As a 'social experiment' it is thoroughly without worth and as a comic reality show it's an unmitigated disaster - though probably the presence of 'Lad TV' dinosaur Johnny Vaughan, followed by the Topshop comedy stylings of Alex Zane(y) on E4, should have given some indication as to the kind of mean-spirited bilge that was to come. I just fail to see the point of it all: a couple of stooges are conned into thinking they've been shot into space - cue the 'Big Reveal' - then the same contestants are actually flown to NASA to experience zero gravity for real. I mean, why bother with the show at all? So for a few weeks we can snicker at these cretins prance about a disused military base in Surrey and congratulate ourselves for never being so gullible as to be taken in by a cheap obnoxious hoax masquerading as entertainment, sounding the death knell for a channel already blighted by fetid Jimmy Carr-fronted rot and puerile reality cack?
One small step for man, one fucking clangourous debacle for mankind. TV off.
20051212
GEMMA'S ON THE GAME
And so the stage is set for my tastefully low-key return to the ignominious business of blogwriting: my already tired and disappointing follow-up to the acclaimed Ddmmyy. I'm not sure exactly why I'm bothering with this, though an excess of free time and a newly-acquired internet connection seem likely motivational factors. And I don't know entirely what this blog will come to consist of - put your money on some tired and disappointing retreads of old ground - or what I want to achieve with it. Inevitably I will try and do something different, something novel, with this one and inevitably I will fail. Inevitably then I will throw a big-girl hissy fit disguised as artistic transfiguration or 'necessary catharsis' and inevitably, ultimately, nobody will care.
Which is to say, hello, and welcome to [BETAMAXNOMATES]. If you're reading this you are probably already acquainted with me in what only the deeply deluded could still refer to as 'The Real World', so an introduction seems redundant. I live and work in Maynooth, which is a rapidly expanding industrial estate just a short distance from Dublin. My spare time is spent making music, watching daytime TV and generally hastening my complete withdrawal from public life. I collect unrealistic ambitions and broken dreams: I have an unvarnished homemade trophy cabinet half-full of them now.
This has got off to a bad start. Dies ist der Anfang vom Ende.
MP3
> King Dinner
Which is to say, hello, and welcome to [BETAMAXNOMATES]. If you're reading this you are probably already acquainted with me in what only the deeply deluded could still refer to as 'The Real World', so an introduction seems redundant. I live and work in Maynooth, which is a rapidly expanding industrial estate just a short distance from Dublin. My spare time is spent making music, watching daytime TV and generally hastening my complete withdrawal from public life. I collect unrealistic ambitions and broken dreams: I have an unvarnished homemade trophy cabinet half-full of them now.
This has got off to a bad start. Dies ist der Anfang vom Ende.
MP3
> King Dinner
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