BETAMAXNOMATES

'All she can do is dial and yell...'

20061123

 

CAN'T BE BOTHE(RED)

See what I did there? I'm feeling a bit bo(red) at the moment. Hence the spot of redecoration. It's not completely finished yet: the byline is centred for some reason, when I actually want it on the left - also, there's not a lot of space between the byline and subsequent blog item titles. Which is unfortunate. Oh well. What the hell am I talking about? I don't know. Look at this. Fun-nee. But also quite racist. Kind of like the video I posted below. Which wasn't particularly funny at all. I thought maybe I could draw some kind of connection between Richards' hateful rantings and someone like Borat introducing a black politician as a 'chocolate face'. I couldn't really. Essentially what I was doing was constructing what's known as a 'false analogy', wherein the two things compared are actually more different than they are alike. Talking out of my arse basically, and just an excuse to have a cheap shot at Gervais et al. And I actually quite enjoyed Borat. Well, bits of it. As with Ali G, some of the sketches worked, and some of them fell a bit flat. Enjoyable then, but hardly the comedy of the year. That title, I believe, goes to Little Miss Sunshine, a film I was fully prepared to hate (honestly, I was certain I was going to loathe this movie, expecting it to be yet another dysfunctional family roadtrip dramedy - an indie version of RV, a film that still gives me vivid, horrifying nightmares) but actually ended up loving, perhaps even insanely so. Definitely up there with Brick and The Departed as one of the best films I've seen this year.
Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. Today I decided to engage in that most indulgent of 'common man's' pleasures: 'pulling' a 'sickie' from work. Sure, my absence - even for one day - from my massively important job may result in some of the most vulnerable members of our society going uncared for - unfed maybe, unwashed, possibly not even receiving their life-sustaining medication etc. but I'm choosing not to focus on that right now (Twenty-Something Bloke In Shirking Responsibilities Shocker!). In fairness, I am actually quite sick. Though not as sick as I made out on the phone - pretending I was deaf in one ear and could see people behind the wallpaper. Certainly not as sick as my new housemate: she eats out of the bin. Yes, she does. Eats food. Out of the bin. I'll pause now to let you savour that image. A girl eating out of a bin. Get a good mental picture there. An otherwise well-educated and respectable young woman crouched over a filthy bin, her chin dripping with that mysterious liquid known only as 'garbage water', hastily shovelling handfuls of rancid vegetable peelings down her eager gullet. Because that's what she does. Oh, yes. She's a bin-eater. A trashmuncher. A refuse bag gastronomer. OK, so that isn't exactly true. More accurately, what she does (or what I observed her doing today at least) is take food that was in the bin out of the bin, clean it off and then eat it. Basically, I threw out a bag of oranges yesterday because I thought they looked a bit 'off' (and I'm sure that they were. I don't just go around throwing out food, you know. Though there is a certain giddy thrill to be had from tossing a load of perfectly good food into the bin, I'll admit. It makes me feel, I dunno, like I'm the one in charge. Like I don't need food really. I can eat it if I want, or maybe I'll just fuck it in the bin: 'food is not my master' and so on. Like a bulimic but without having to clean the loo afterwards). Still, it was an eye-opener. Eye-wateringly so. Evidently one man's waste is another man's table-for-one at the bin-side bistro. The swing-top cafeteria. The... well, you get the picture.
Seriously though, what the hell am I talking about? This has to have been the most pointless entry ever. I'll stop writing now and go listen to the new Hanne Hukkelberg album. Anyone else heard of her? I forget where she's from, somewhere foreign, and she sounds a bit like Stina Nordenstam in some ways but not in others. She does a really good cover of 'Break My Body' by The Pixies, which, like most (if not all) Pixies songs, is a pretty hard song to cover and to cover well. You can download it here. That's all for this evening. Peace out.

Comments:
This blog entry made me wee myself with the laughing.
 
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