BETAMAXNOMATES
'All she can do is dial and yell...'20050323
CONFIDENT INCOMPETENTS
Dinner alone tonight. A tray of Uncle Ben’s Sweet and Sour Chicken with boiled rice and a big glass of Lidl merlot. I had an uncle named Ben, you know. He raped me when I was a child. Only joking, I didn’t really have an uncle Ben, though I stand by my accusation. It did happen.
Work is surreal as ever. Yesterday, for example, one of our autistic clients spent the better part of the evening wandering around the garden barefoot singing the chorus of The Human League’s biggest hit as ‘don’t you worry, baby, don’t you worry, whoa-oh-oh-oh’. Charming though this scene was it’s a gross distortion of the song’s message: that’s not what its about, I screamed, but no matter how hard I slapped, he steadfastly refused to acknowledge the note of rueful desperation at the core of this synthpop classic. Someone asked me what my ten favourite songs were today. I’ve never really thought about this as my tastes are notoriously fickle. Last month I couldn’t get enough of M.I.A., DJ Rupture, and LCD Soundsystem; now I hate each of them with a passion usually reserved for over-zealous right-to-lifers who fight to keep a cabbage on a ventilator. I’ll frequently proclaim something to be ‘the best thing ever’ only to tire of it after a few listens, much like I tired of that personal theme song I commissioned Weird Al Yankovic to write and perform for me every time I entered a room - fun at first, but steadily less entertaining over time (rhyming ‘anonymous’ with ‘hippopotamus’? Weak). Anyway here’s a list of ten of my favourite songs (oh, how terribly web diarist of me - I’ll be googling my name next), in no particular order and with no criteria for selection except that I really like them:
Work is surreal as ever. Yesterday, for example, one of our autistic clients spent the better part of the evening wandering around the garden barefoot singing the chorus of The Human League’s biggest hit as ‘don’t you worry, baby, don’t you worry, whoa-oh-oh-oh’. Charming though this scene was it’s a gross distortion of the song’s message: that’s not what its about, I screamed, but no matter how hard I slapped, he steadfastly refused to acknowledge the note of rueful desperation at the core of this synthpop classic. Someone asked me what my ten favourite songs were today. I’ve never really thought about this as my tastes are notoriously fickle. Last month I couldn’t get enough of M.I.A., DJ Rupture, and LCD Soundsystem; now I hate each of them with a passion usually reserved for over-zealous right-to-lifers who fight to keep a cabbage on a ventilator. I’ll frequently proclaim something to be ‘the best thing ever’ only to tire of it after a few listens, much like I tired of that personal theme song I commissioned Weird Al Yankovic to write and perform for me every time I entered a room - fun at first, but steadily less entertaining over time (rhyming ‘anonymous’ with ‘hippopotamus’? Weak). Anyway here’s a list of ten of my favourite songs (oh, how terribly web diarist of me - I’ll be googling my name next), in no particular order and with no criteria for selection except that I really like them:
- Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy
- This Mortal Coil - Song To The Siren feat. Elizabeth Fraser
- David Bowie - Subterraneans
- Aphex Twin - Yellow Calx
- Madonna - True Blue
- Interpol - Leif Erikson
- Tricky - Black Steel
- Depeche Mode - It’s No Good
- Sugababes - Overload
- The Smiths - The Boy With The Thorn In His Side
So there you are; post your own in the comments section, share and share alike, like. Anyway, we’ve killed some time, had some second-hand laughs and maybe even learned a little something (for me it was how to spell ‘ventilator’), but now its time to get personal. I’m a big man (6’ 9” at last count) but I can be terribly small, and petty like a motherfucker. A couple of ‘likely lads’, who shall remain nameless, decided to ‘have a go’ recently, accusing yours truly of ‘berating celebrities’. Berating celebrities. What, pray tell, should one be doing with them? Celebrating them, their achievements, their right to exist and to keep the general public aware of their existence? Affording them the privacy they’ve flaunted to get where they are today? To tolerate celebrities is to endorse them and I don’t (unless they’re Siobhan Fahey, Trent Reznor or the Ronseal man). No sir, I say fuck that. Fuck that good and true.
Like I said, at 6’ 10”, I’m a big man: perhaps I shouldn’t be rising to this. But I’ve also been charged with apparently ‘passing off cynicism as religion’. An intriguing allegation, I’m sure you’ll agree, but one which holds about as much water as one of the other leading brands that isn’t Huggies Pull-ups. No, I’m afraid what I do is far, far worse: I’ve passed off cynicism as art, which is much more serious. Religion is inherently cynical, everybody knows that (so self-evident a fact is it that I feel no need to offer any kind of justification for stating such). Art however should transcend the contempt religion wallows in. That’s its whole point. Art doesn’t care how often you pray to it. Art doesn’t ask anything of you because, frankly, art isn’t bothered. Art offers no forgiveness, no salvation, no hope - only itself, the art object, in all its potential and its peril. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself: this is the kind of aesthetic theory wank I should reserve for .yymmdD. Now I have to go drag my 6’ 11” frame away from the monitor to hang up my thinking cap and don my tin-foil pork-pie of smug self-satisfaction.
Goodnight everyone, God bless, and hold ya moufs. I am 7’ tall.
Like I said, at 6’ 10”, I’m a big man: perhaps I shouldn’t be rising to this. But I’ve also been charged with apparently ‘passing off cynicism as religion’. An intriguing allegation, I’m sure you’ll agree, but one which holds about as much water as one of the other leading brands that isn’t Huggies Pull-ups. No, I’m afraid what I do is far, far worse: I’ve passed off cynicism as art, which is much more serious. Religion is inherently cynical, everybody knows that (so self-evident a fact is it that I feel no need to offer any kind of justification for stating such). Art however should transcend the contempt religion wallows in. That’s its whole point. Art doesn’t care how often you pray to it. Art doesn’t ask anything of you because, frankly, art isn’t bothered. Art offers no forgiveness, no salvation, no hope - only itself, the art object, in all its potential and its peril. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself: this is the kind of aesthetic theory wank I should reserve for .yymmdD. Now I have to go drag my 6’ 11” frame away from the monitor to hang up my thinking cap and don my tin-foil pork-pie of smug self-satisfaction.
Goodnight everyone, God bless, and hold ya moufs. I am 7’ tall.
Comments:
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YOUR TOP TEN SONGS IS A VERY NICE ECLECTIC LIST YOU ARE SO KITCH
I spelled that wrong didn't I?
I love you Ddmmyy.
I spelled that wrong didn't I?
I love you Ddmmyy.
These are my favourites. Judge away.
(In no particular order)
'Dear Prudence' - The Beatles
'Amelia' - Joni Mitchell
'Tears in the Morning' - The Beach Boys
'Crazy On You' - Heart
'Ain't Misbehavin'' - Fats Waller
'Open Up Said the World at the Door' - The Move
'Halo' - Pinky
'Ram On' - Paul McCartney
'Happier Than the Morning Sun' - Stevie Wonder
'A Pillow of Winds' - Pink Floyd
That was difficult.
By the way, happy April Fool's Day, Ddmmyy. Here's to the best one ever.
(In no particular order)
'Dear Prudence' - The Beatles
'Amelia' - Joni Mitchell
'Tears in the Morning' - The Beach Boys
'Crazy On You' - Heart
'Ain't Misbehavin'' - Fats Waller
'Open Up Said the World at the Door' - The Move
'Halo' - Pinky
'Ram On' - Paul McCartney
'Happier Than the Morning Sun' - Stevie Wonder
'A Pillow of Winds' - Pink Floyd
That was difficult.
By the way, happy April Fool's Day, Ddmmyy. Here's to the best one ever.
# posted by 
: 2:03 AM
: 2:03 AM
i've tried to do this, but it's too hard. i like your list. interpol and tricky on the same list - THAT is cool!
sorry about that thing that happened with your uncle ben. his rice sucks anyway!
sorry about that thing that happened with your uncle ben. his rice sucks anyway!
My favourite songs:
*'Warning Sign' - Talking Heads
*'Once In A Lifetime' - Talking Heads
*'Television Man' - Talking Heads
*'Thank You For Sending Me An Angel' - Talking Heads
*'Paper' - Talking Heads
*'New Feeling' - Talking Heads
*'Psycho Killer' - Talking Heads
*'Born Under Punches' - Talking Heads
*'This Must Be The Place' - Talking Heads
*'Gay Bar' - Electric Six
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*'Warning Sign' - Talking Heads
*'Once In A Lifetime' - Talking Heads
*'Television Man' - Talking Heads
*'Thank You For Sending Me An Angel' - Talking Heads
*'Paper' - Talking Heads
*'New Feeling' - Talking Heads
*'Psycho Killer' - Talking Heads
*'Born Under Punches' - Talking Heads
*'This Must Be The Place' - Talking Heads
*'Gay Bar' - Electric Six
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