BETAMAXNOMATES
'All she can do is dial and yell...'20041218
WARNING: Day Month Year Contains Strong Typing and Scenes of a Textual Nature from the Start
So. What’s in the Day Month Year mailbag this week?
Our first complaint for one - which we can neither can confirm nor deny is from Joss Stone’s maternal grandmother. For legal reasons, we are unable to reprint the letter on this page; all we will say is that the elderly lady in question was, and I quote, ‘shizzocked and horrifizzled’ by certain comments suggesting that a dead cat be inserted into the young singer’s stomach cavity. However, given that the posters to this site state their opinions anonymously, Day Month Year can take no responsibility any specific content, no matter how objectionable.
So there. You dumb lump of bitchshit.
What else?
Craig from Humberside was correct in guessing that Al Jourgensen would, of course, rock very hard and that Ministry are the most hard rockingest band of all time. Clever Sandy from Walport also spotted that Air Supply’s ‘Making Love Out of Nothing At All’ does indeed sound a lot like ‘Total Eclipse of The Heart’ by Bonnie Tyler. Martin from Guernsey is schizophrenic and his letters make very little sense and he may or may not have eaten a lightbulb.
Thanks for your comments everybody. Your names and details have been added to our Sex Offenders Register and the News of The World will burn you out of your homes.
Now, to the business at hand.
This Monday, there will be no new posts to Day Month Year. The reason? One word, my friends, one word and three syllables. Moz.
I celebrate the guy's entire catalogue. For my money, I don’t think it gets any better than when he sings ‘The Last of the Famous International Playboys’ (TM Office Space, but then, you already knew that didn’t you?).
Come Monday we shall see if the old dog has any new tricks for us. And to mark the occasion, I threw together this remix of ‘First of The Gang to Die’, one of Day Month Year’s Songs of ‘04, refashioned in the manner of arch glitch Poj Masta. Safe, innit.
Fuck, it took me nearly half an hour to upload that piece of shit. If any of you cunts has got some webspace you’re not using, like, that’s just lying around the house gathering dust and taking up space under the stairs, give it the fuck here.
And since none of you bothered to suggest an artist name for me I was forced to choose from the following selection, all, for the most part, grouped around the ‘piss-poor’ end of the scale: Roxy Muzak, Poxy Joss and the Performing Abortions, Shifty Shitbox and the Crazy Town Crappy Rapper Crew (yeah, take that Shifty, ex-Crazy Town. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as kicking a man when he’s so clearly down, is there?) and... well, the picture I’m sure you can get.
Eventually I settled on the somewhat less original, and even less surprising: Anonymous. This project will go under the name of Public Art, or Anonymous Public Art; in shorthand I will probably make a point of referring to it as APA, if only to increase confusion between myself and the other APA.
Here’s a sketch of my new corporate logo:
Staying on the music tip, yesterday I earned the dubious honour of being recruited as ‘keyboards man’ in a ‘funk-rock’ band made up of three middle-aged German ex-pats. The details of how this came about are rather tedious but it’s not an entirely unwelcome prospect. Obviously I will be participating purely for irony’s sake, though this, of course, will be kept secret from my more earnest bandmates.
There’s a common belief that all German’s have horrendous taste in music. And that’s because they do. These guys strive to emulate the Toyota Corolla rock-stylings of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. What’s the first thing you think of when you think about the German taste in music: it's Scooter or it's The Hoff.
And this, I think, is perplexing mainly because Germany is responsible for some of the best music of the past fifty years: Kraftwerk, Can, Faust, Mouse On Mars, and a whole host of ground-breaking electronica performers and DJ’s that you’ve probably never heard of. Even The Scorpions weren’t that bad. (They were actually, but I'm trying to make a Point here).
This gives me hope, in that it seems to suggest German’s are capable of making good music; they just don’t know how to listen to it.
Gosh, two whole paragraphs about Germans and not a single war joke. In case your were wondering this is because I am Jewish. Yes my friends, Anonymous is a big fat Jew. Just like Woody Allen and, uh, Pauly Shore.
Now get outta here you zhlub, before I call you a Mel Gibson-sympathiser and get your kid’s school blowed up!
Mood: Moody rappinghood.
Music: Right now, it’s ‘New New York’ by Tes, a tune that shits all over the Beastie’s geriatric beats. Next week expect a barely coherent email from a smack-addled Mike D complaining about some Internet guy slagging his band and calling him a heroin addict. Who said anything about a horse, junkie-boy? Hats off to Popworld, once again.
Thanking you for your patience.
: 8:35 PM
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