BETAMAXNOMATES
'All she can do is dial and yell...'20041210
Day Month Year is Typed Before a Live Studio Audience
EXCLUSIVE:
For one night only, Day Month Year is coming to you live and unedited from a public access computer room somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere.
Greetings from the front line of the war on mental illness.
Lessons to be learned for today’s despatch: One, don’t ever try to engage a borderline personality first thing in the morning when nursing a crippling hangover. Two, Memo to [Edited for legal reasons] Health Board, the fuck?, someone with a borderline personality disorder shouldn’t be in a house with autistic people. Three, Monopoly is the root of all evil.
These first two points are self-explanatory, that is to say, I can’t be arsed explaining them to you so you’ll just have to take them as read. The third however was made clear to me today, while playing the game with B., a co-worker, and N., an inmate… client. Client, client, client.
You haven’t been introduced to N yet. I kind of like him, but his behaviour often creeps me out.
As well as being profoundly autistic, N. has the added bonus of a paranoid schizotypal personality disorder, which, for you ignorant masses unversed in the nature of the human mind, means he basically has the positive symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia - that is, delusions, hallucinations, and persistently suspicious affect - without the actual diagnosis.
Most of his time he spends in his room, scratching away at a colouring book, whisper-muttering to himself Gollum-style about murdering the staff and burning down the house. Heh. Kids.
Plus he has shifty eyes, which, any psychologist will tell you, indicates that his soul is the grip of some kind of demonic spirit, or 'inky bus'.
As a psychologist then, it was my opinion that the best course of action for N. would involve the three of us sitting quietly around a table taking turns to move objects around a board positioned in the centre.
Yes, that’s right, a good old-fashioned game of Monopoly [Edited for feeble jokery] - using a set bought for N. by his parents the previous Christmas. Memo to parents: Way to go buying a game like Monopoly for a someone who has no concept of numbers or money. Excuse me, have you met your son? Oh no, of course not: you shunted him off to a care home and the let the tax-payer foot the bill, you heartless fucks, I hope that you… [Edited for bitterness].
Yeah, anyway, it ended with the board being fucked out the window and the pieces thrown across the kitchen. And that was just me and B.
So that was about the most exciting thing that happened today. There was an ‘incident’ this Wednesday, the details of which - for legal reasons - I couldn’t possibly divulge here. How cool is that? Day Month Year has been gagged. All I can say is writing about it would have made this entry feel less like a waste of time for you and for me. I mean really, what are you doing here? [Edited for audience-baiting].
Anyway, before I go, some props is in order.
BLTC, as I believe the kids are calling it, has taken on a fascinating interactive quality. ‘Adrian’ is the nominal star, but you, the public, write the script. Today for example, only you can save our hero from getting his end in the prison shower room. Squick!
Hey, isn’t it funny how people are terrified of going to prison in case they get raped, yet are fairly oblivious to the fact they’re actually more likely to be killed? Considering the population, there’s a statistically significant chance that you will get murdered on the inside, but ask any guy what he fears most about prison and it’s bound to be getting buttfucked by a hairy Hells Angel-type in the showers.
If I was some kind of social theorising, social theory guy I’d have some kind of, y’know, theory, of the social kind, to explain this phenomenon-type thing. But I’m not, so I don’t - but it probably has something to do with this. [Edited for soapboxing].
Sincerely yours on the 'All Men Are Gay Autistics' platform,
[Edited for anonymity]
[Edited for grammer]
[Edited for spelling - the word 'grammar' apparantly]
For one night only, Day Month Year is coming to you live and unedited from a public access computer room somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere.
Greetings from the front line of the war on mental illness.
Lessons to be learned for today’s despatch: One, don’t ever try to engage a borderline personality first thing in the morning when nursing a crippling hangover. Two, Memo to [Edited for legal reasons] Health Board, the fuck?, someone with a borderline personality disorder shouldn’t be in a house with autistic people. Three, Monopoly is the root of all evil.
These first two points are self-explanatory, that is to say, I can’t be arsed explaining them to you so you’ll just have to take them as read. The third however was made clear to me today, while playing the game with B., a co-worker, and N., an inmate… client. Client, client, client.
You haven’t been introduced to N yet. I kind of like him, but his behaviour often creeps me out.
As well as being profoundly autistic, N. has the added bonus of a paranoid schizotypal personality disorder, which, for you ignorant masses unversed in the nature of the human mind, means he basically has the positive symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia - that is, delusions, hallucinations, and persistently suspicious affect - without the actual diagnosis.
Most of his time he spends in his room, scratching away at a colouring book, whisper-muttering to himself Gollum-style about murdering the staff and burning down the house. Heh. Kids.
Plus he has shifty eyes, which, any psychologist will tell you, indicates that his soul is the grip of some kind of demonic spirit, or 'inky bus'.
As a psychologist then, it was my opinion that the best course of action for N. would involve the three of us sitting quietly around a table taking turns to move objects around a board positioned in the centre.
Yes, that’s right, a good old-fashioned game of Monopoly [Edited for feeble jokery] - using a set bought for N. by his parents the previous Christmas. Memo to parents: Way to go buying a game like Monopoly for a someone who has no concept of numbers or money. Excuse me, have you met your son? Oh no, of course not: you shunted him off to a care home and the let the tax-payer foot the bill, you heartless fucks, I hope that you… [Edited for bitterness].
Yeah, anyway, it ended with the board being fucked out the window and the pieces thrown across the kitchen. And that was just me and B.
So that was about the most exciting thing that happened today. There was an ‘incident’ this Wednesday, the details of which - for legal reasons - I couldn’t possibly divulge here. How cool is that? Day Month Year has been gagged. All I can say is writing about it would have made this entry feel less like a waste of time for you and for me. I mean really, what are you doing here? [Edited for audience-baiting].
Anyway, before I go, some props is in order.
BLTC, as I believe the kids are calling it, has taken on a fascinating interactive quality. ‘Adrian’ is the nominal star, but you, the public, write the script. Today for example, only you can save our hero from getting his end in the prison shower room. Squick!
Hey, isn’t it funny how people are terrified of going to prison in case they get raped, yet are fairly oblivious to the fact they’re actually more likely to be killed? Considering the population, there’s a statistically significant chance that you will get murdered on the inside, but ask any guy what he fears most about prison and it’s bound to be getting buttfucked by a hairy Hells Angel-type in the showers.
If I was some kind of social theorising, social theory guy I’d have some kind of, y’know, theory, of the social kind, to explain this phenomenon-type thing. But I’m not, so I don’t - but it probably has something to do with this. [Edited for soapboxing].
Sincerely yours on the 'All Men Are Gay Autistics' platform,
[Edited for anonymity]
[Edited for grammer]
[Edited for spelling - the word 'grammar' apparantly]
Archives
200410 200411 200412 200501 200502 200503 200504 200505 200512 200601 200602 200604 200606 200607 200608 200609 200611 200702 200703 200704 200705 200706 200707 200710 200801 200806 200807 200808 200809 200811
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]