BETAMAXNOMATES
'All she can do is dial and yell...'20041107
Twenty-four Hours Wasted in a Day
Quote of the Week time here on Day Month Year.
And who could be more deserving of this, the inaugural honour, then everyone’s favourite boyband refugee and beloved-by-housewives solo recording artist? No, not that one, the other one. No, not him either, the other one again:
Yes, it’s Ronan Keating folks, pictured above with some music guy from olden times - Bob Dylan maybe.In an interview with the Sunday Independent, the nation’s top tab-sheet, or broad-bloid, or gutter organ, or whatever - actually, I think I’ve just found the name for my band: Gutter Organ and the Broad-Bloids, a twelve-strong troupe of rootsy blues-rock revivalists - Ro issues the following warning to anyone thinking of stirring up a scandal:
‘I’m the most heterosexual man you’ll ever meet in your life, and any fucker who starts a rumour to the contrary will get a belt of a baseball bat’.
Well colour me convinced.
This appalling celebrity puff (ha!) piece continues much in this vein, showing Ronan as a hard drinkin’, pussy lovin’, boner fiday hardman, accompanied by a series of moody B&W shots of the self-confessed Barbra Streisand fan - artfully unshaven and clad in a too-tight leather jacket and white tee - straddling a Harley and frowning into the middle distance.
Again: NOT GAY.
Then there's this, a classic you-had-to-be-there moment:
Ronan: ‘I cannot believe people. Why do some people think I’m gay? I cannot understand that.’
Yvonne: ‘Do people think that I know?’
(Hysterical laughter)
Ronan: ‘She’s a lesbian!’
(More hysterical laughter)
Yvonne: ‘Do people think he’s bisexual?’
(Even more hysterical laughter)
Answer to that, Yvonne: no. Or rather, who the fuck cares?
Seriously, Ronan Keating’s preference has never concerned me before but, having read this article, I’m considering quitting my job and devoting my time to uncovering the truth about his sexuality.
And if I have to destroy his family and what’s left of his career (big in Germany and the Netherlands, the article points out, sans irony), then so be it. It’s for his own good.
I mean, did Ronan not get the message of Moby Dick: be yourself, stupid.
Jesus. Is my life is so empty that I can devote an entire journal entry to discussing Ronan Keating?
(Hysterical laughter)
I wish I was dead.
(More hysterical laughter)
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!
(Even more hysterical laughter)
And who could be more deserving of this, the inaugural honour, then everyone’s favourite boyband refugee and beloved-by-housewives solo recording artist? No, not that one, the other one. No, not him either, the other one again:
Yes, it’s Ronan Keating folks, pictured above with some music guy from olden times - Bob Dylan maybe.
‘I’m the most heterosexual man you’ll ever meet in your life, and any fucker who starts a rumour to the contrary will get a belt of a baseball bat’.
Well colour me convinced.
This appalling celebrity puff (ha!) piece continues much in this vein, showing Ronan as a hard drinkin’, pussy lovin’, boner fiday hardman, accompanied by a series of moody B&W shots of the self-confessed Barbra Streisand fan - artfully unshaven and clad in a too-tight leather jacket and white tee - straddling a Harley and frowning into the middle distance.
Again: NOT GAY.
Then there's this, a classic you-had-to-be-there moment:
Ronan: ‘I cannot believe people. Why do some people think I’m gay? I cannot understand that.’
Yvonne: ‘Do people think that I know?’
(Hysterical laughter)
Ronan: ‘She’s a lesbian!’
(More hysterical laughter)
Yvonne: ‘Do people think he’s bisexual?’
(Even more hysterical laughter)
Answer to that, Yvonne: no. Or rather, who the fuck cares?
Seriously, Ronan Keating’s preference has never concerned me before but, having read this article, I’m considering quitting my job and devoting my time to uncovering the truth about his sexuality.
And if I have to destroy his family and what’s left of his career (big in Germany and the Netherlands, the article points out, sans irony), then so be it. It’s for his own good.
I mean, did Ronan not get the message of Moby Dick: be yourself, stupid.
Jesus. Is my life is so empty that I can devote an entire journal entry to discussing Ronan Keating?
(Hysterical laughter)
I wish I was dead.
(More hysterical laughter)
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!
(Even more hysterical laughter)
Comments:
<< Home
I love you, man. But not as much as I love Susan Sarandon's unshaved private parts.
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 1:02 PM
: 1:02 PMSubscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home
Archives
200410 200411 200412 200501 200502 200503 200504 200505 200512 200601 200602 200604 200606 200607 200608 200609 200611 200702 200703 200704 200705 200706 200707 200710 200801 200806 200807 200808 200809 200811
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]